


this ain't about me no matter how it seems

by sandpapersnowman



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s02e04 Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mind Control
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 04:10:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13628334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandpapersnowman/pseuds/sandpapersnowman
Summary: He's got the rifle lined up on Webber's head when he hears it.





	this ain't about me no matter how it seems

**Author's Note:**

> title from semi precious weapons' [ Bleed To Heal](https://genius.com/Semi-precious-weapons-bleed-to-heal-lyrics)
> 
> i cant Fucking believe i'm into supernatural again

_I see you._

The whisper is all around him like a crowd, and something about it worms down his throat and burrows into his spine and he freezes.

_Bye bye._

He can't pull the trigger. He turns the rifle around and it's awkward, having to put the butt of it between his knees and straighten out his spine so he can tuck the barrel under his chin, but he manages. Now that he knows what the compulsion is, he can fight it, but it doesn't -- it's not _enough_. The whisper fills his throat like the barrel of the gun is physically shoved down it, and as much as he struggles on the inside, he can't _move_.

Then... The whisper stops. He hears the gunshot at the same time, knows what must have happened, but he can't move. He feels like something is pulling him taut, like he'll fall to pieces if he relaxes.

Sam doesn't find him for almost an hour, because he's comforting Tracy and Andy and making sure everything is okay before he goes to find Dean. When Dean doesn't answer his cell, Sam goes back to the Impala and up to the high ground they'd scoped out when he had the vision, and there he is: still kneeling, still holding the rifle up between his legs, and shaking from the effort of keeping still.

He doesn't realize it until Sam yanks the gun away and it breaks the command, the unfinished thought to _put the gun under your chin and_ , but tears stream down his cheeks, too, dark blotches on his shirt collar where they've soaked in.

His legs are sore for days, but the rest of it doesn't particularly bother him.

Maybe that's not good.

**Author's Note:**

> so if you read this and enjoyed it, and are maybe thinking about looking at my other fics, i'm gonna go ahead and warn that everything before this one is from 2013 (though a couple are dated for 2015 because thats when i moved them over) and include uhhhh. Problematic Shit(TM). theres notes within them explaining the circumstances but? yeah


End file.
